Yes, Living with RA Makes Me Cranky

My cranky moods often reflect living with rheumatoid arthritis. If my body feels like it’s screaming, I also want to shout. I have methods to keep my changing moods in check, but it’s not always possible, and that’s OK.

Living with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) means accepting the physical and emotional roller coaster that is life with RA.

Physically, I can feel fine when I go to bed at night and then awaken to extreme fatigue and severe pain that forces me to change my plans. Emotionally, RA often causes me to feel sad, depressed, and sometimes anxious, and positivity doesn’t always come easy.

There are times when the pain, fatigue, and craziness of it all makes me cranky. I can be bad-tempered and irritable and not someone people want to be around.

I try not to let that happen, but often my mood changes too fast for me to take a step back and stop it.

Learning to recognize, acknowledge, and manage these cranky moods is something that I continually strive to do every day and throughout this lifelong journey with RA.

Though it’s not always easy or necessary — sometimes you have to feel all the feels, no matter the level of crankiness.

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Understanding the relationship between RA and mood

RA can affect your mental and emotional health.

Research suggests that people living with RA have higher rates of mood disorders, with depression being the most common comorbidity (coexisting condition). Another review reports that depression is two times more common in those living with RA than in the general population.

There’s also a two-way link between RA and depression that leads to a vicious cycle of RA, depression, poor health outcomes, and high disease burden.

And, depression is not just sadness. It can make a person feel angry, irritable, and lonely, and has very real physical effects.

Medications that are used to treat RA can also affect your emotions and energy levels. This might be due to changes in physical symptoms, or from hopeful anticipation and anxiety that comes with trying new types of medications.

How RA affects my mood and emotions

Living with RA can feel uncomfortable all the time, and you often have little control over that.

Being someone who thrives on controlling every aspect of my life, not knowing exactly what will happen causes my emotions and moods to start whirling. It leaves me feeling on edge, and the initiation to crankiness begins.

RA can also make me grumpy as I struggle to function through pain and fatigue. It can make me angry and bitter at times, especially toward people who seem unsupportive or not so understanding.

RA also makes me worry a lot — about anything and everything — including where my health will be in 5 or 10 years. It also makes me afraid and hopeless because I know it’s not curable and that any type of disease complication is possible.

There are so many different emotions RA brings to my life.

Just like this disease, the emotional effects are unpredictable. But, perhaps most predictable are my cranky moods.

A cranky mood is my RA speaking and means I need a break

It’s often difficult to explain to others in my life why I’m feeling cranky.

I know it’s my RA speaking, but it can be hard to tell others that when you don’t want to explain anything.

I try to remember that my cranky moods are temporary. Just because I am feeling bad physically and emotionally, it does not mean that things can’t get better.

I know that a cranky mood is a reflection of what’s going on inside my body. So, I need to slow down, rest, and focus on my feelings and physical recovery. I cannot expect myself to socialize and be around others when I should be resting and taking care of myself.

Taking a break can be harder on workdays. On those days, I gather my spoons, work hard to keep my mood in check, and do what I can to get through the workday.

Often, that means I shut down certain aspects of myself so that I do not lash out at others. I might talk slightly less, or choose to do admin rather than creative tasks that I know require less energy. Other times, I just fake the positive, hide the pain and fatigue, and pray it doesn’t boil over to the surface. Fortunately, it rarely does.

It’s an exhausting task that depletes my spoon reserve, and it might mean I’m in no place to communicate with others after work, which can leave my family in the firing line for my crankiness to unleash.

Knowing when to apologize and lean on others

Living in a body that doesn’t feel good physically and mentally is not easy. It adds challenges to every situation. There are times when I need to speak up and vent, and sometimes, that presents as crankiness and lashing out.

Being rude or mean to anyone is the last thing I want to do. But it can be challenging when my joints are screaming, and I have tried everything to manage the pain and fatigue to no avail. Sometimes, I feel like I should be able to scream as well.

It’s incredible how an RA flare-up can take you out of your comfort zone and turn you from the coolest, calmest person to the crankiest.

If you’re able to catch yourself getting snippy, stop, take a deep breath, and do what you can to change the tone of your words. Going to talk therapy has been one of the biggest helps to learn new coping mechanisms for my changing moods.

If you’re not able to change your tone, it’s important to apologize when your responses come out in ways that seem cold or disrespectful, regardless of what has been said. After all, people in your life have no idea that you’re dealing with pain, stiffness, fatigue, and, sometimes, some very fragile emotions.

I’m not alone in this chaos. I’ve surrounded myself with people who know that living with RA isn’t always easy for me. I trust them, and I know they can forgive me when I’m not at my best.

Find those people you can confide in and who can walk this journey with you. Because all this crankiness has to land somewhere, and hopefully, it’s with people who will catch you when you find yourself falling down that emotional abyss.

Accepting that sometimes this is how it is

There are moments when my joint pain and fatigue are so bad I want to crawl under the covers and never come out. There are days when my body can’t handle much, and the pain just seems so unreal.

Those are also the moments when my cranky moods are the ugliest.

This is my life, and all I can do is try to feel my emotions while also making sure they don’t rule my life in ways that are hurtful to those I love the most.

When I can’t keep my crankiness in check, I have to accept that this is just how it is and that there will be plenty of apologies to come.

And, despite the emotional roller coaster that is RA, this experience has made me stronger than I ever thought I could be.

Even in the darkest moments, I have always managed to find some positivity. Because despite the negativity and cranky moods, I know there will be joy once the dark clouds clear.